The Alignment Test

Concerned about your alignment? Not sure whether you are good or evil? Then take this alignment test to find out whether you are good or evil. If you are found to be evil then you will be apprehended by your local police within minutes of submission and physically forced into a small biscuit tin. If you do not find yourself squashed within a tiny box then you may assume that you are a decent person and you may utter words of joy quietly to yourself. Either that or the police are a bit late.



If you found a wallet would you keep it?

  • No
  • I'd keep the money and return the rest
  • I would find out where the owner lived and follow him around for a time to discover whether he deserves to have his wallet retuned
  • Yes of course, for I am evil!

Do you have a beard?

  • No
  • Merely a few tufts
  • I have a thin beard drawn on with a pen, for I am stupid
  • Yes, a small, well trimmed goatee, for I am evil!

Do you demand to have the prefix 'evil' before your name?

  • No
  • Only when I am in a bad mood
  • No need, as it is already my first name, thanks to my weird parents
  • Yes, for I am evil!

Do you regularly like to maim, mutilate or kill people or animals for pleasure?

  • No
  • Only when the moon is full
  • Only on special occasions, such as if I have friends around
  • Every damn night, for I am evil!

Do you hide in bins and prey on stray cats?

  • No, that's dumb
  • Depends on the bin
  • Only with my friend and mentor Evil Bob
  • Every single night! Then I skin it, chop it up and feed it to my pet cat, Lucifer, for I am evil!

Do you laugh in consistently higher decibels for a number of minutes when you think of a cunning plan to take over the world which, incidentally, cannot possibly fail?

  • No
  • No
  • Um, let me think ... No
  • Yes, for I am evil!

Please tell us your name and email address for our records (this information may be used against you to hunt you down):

  • Name:
  • Email:
  •  
  • If I am found to be evil then I give my permission to be hunted down and attacked with a spoon. Please uncheck this box if you DO NOT wish this to happen.


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