Meet The Team
The dedicated team behind We Are All Badgers come from various backgrounds and have a wide variety of interests outside the office. Get to know them with our brief but informative bios, then enter our exciting competition for your chance to visit the We Are All Badgers office and Meet The Team in person. Please note this competition is not suitable for children.
- The Big Cheese Badger is the Big Cheese at We Are All Badgers. Small Cheese Badger nearly got the job but something wasn't quite right. In his spare time the Big Cheese Badger likes to hide inside oranges then jump out when people least expect it.
- Nomkin is our Vice-Big Cheese. He takes over the top job when the Big Cheese Badger is ill or phones in sick pretending to be ill. In his spare time Nomkin likes to lurk at bus stops and poo into random people's shopping bags, ideally without them noticing.
- The Pork Ninja is our security chief. It's his responsibility to lock the front door at night. His hobbies include licking worms, blowing in cats' arses and spreading jam onto live rats.
- Jobson Jobsworth is our consultant jobseeker. Or rather, he's applied for the position and is currently being considered. You can usually find him jumping over bins wearing leather socks. Just leather socks.
- Chester Chucklenuts has the important job title of "Someone in the office called Chester Chucklenuts". His duties include being Chester Chucklenuts, doing things that Chester Chucklenuts would do and not changing his name. He performs the role flawlessly. Our previous employee in this position, Chester Chucklenuts, was sacked after he got married and changed his name to Chester Chucklenuts-Bumblebollocks.
- Mungo is our researcher. Originally she was a searcher but she kept doing it. In her spare time she likes growling, stroking kippers and gnawing on bits of rotting wood.
- Filbert is the Big Cheese Badger's butler and personal groomer. His duties include asking the Big Cheese Badger not to throw food onto the floor, begging the Big Cheese Badger not to throw food onto the floor and picking up food that the Big Cheese Badger has thrown on the floor.
- Hodge is an imaginary onion in yellow shorts and a successful billionaire businessonion. Hodge is the country's foremost arse historian and he made his fortune as a fart collector. He now funds We Are All Badgers with his riches and in return the Big Cheese Badger farts into a jar once a week.
- And finally, there's Chesterfield. He's a small, flat man who, for some reason, has inserted himself underneath our filing cabinet. He looks exactly like the furniture removal chap who worked for us about a year ago. Except flatter. What a strange coincidence. Anyway, we're happy to have Chesterfield as part of the team, although he does need to cheer up a bit, we're all tired of him talking about depressing things like "can't breathe" and "being crushed".
For your chance to visit the We Are All Badgers office and Meet The Team just finish the sentence, in twelve million words or under, "I want to meet the team because..." Tweet your answers to the Big Cheese Badger using #meettheteam. The most badgertastic answer will win.
If you're the unlucky winner then make your way to our office by following the road signs, displayed below.
If you can't find the road signs then just look for the other road signs pointing you to the road signs.
When you arrive knock the door and state clearly that you are the competition winner as we usually throw bins at visitors. Filbert will let you in and fetch you a complementary drink from our water butt. Be aware the team is wary of strangers but as long as you don't make any sudden moves you should be fine.
We look forward to your entry. Good luck!