Competition Winners

Nostril of the week

The left nostril (as voted by readers of Nostrils Monthly).

• The previous winner - The right nostril.
• The previous winner before that - A tie between the left and the right nostrils.

Kitchen appliance of the week

The kettle (as voted by readers of Kitchen Appliances and You).

Letter of the week

M (as voted by viewers of the Letterman show).

• The previous winner - B.
• The previous winner before that - Mr Watergate's letter to Miss Simpson detailing his desire to initiate courtship with her and his long-term intention to gain her fair hand in marriage. Onions were also mentioned.

Tortoise of the week

Bob the tortoise (as voted by readers of Tortoise Lovers).

Website of the week

WAAB (as fixed by the WAAB staff).

Weird event of the week

That day when the tiny aliens landed inside ours tiny brains and told us to eat all available carrots thus creating a worldwide carrot shortage. Carrot related mayhem ensued.

Soup of the week

Scotch Broth with croutons - only £3.45.

Button of the week

Previous week was a tie:

Potato of the week

Artistic representation of the futility of life of the week

Week of the week

This week (as voted by readers of Week Weekly).

• The previous winner - Next week (as voted by Optimists Anonymous).
• The previous winner before that - A tie between the week before last and the second week of January 1956.

The weakest of the week

Tim McWeak who died weak this week from a fatal pinch.

Halfwit of the week

Onion obsessed, Simon Goat from Gloucester, who ate his head because a passing freak told him it was an onion.

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