Vole Rant

We have recently received a substantial amount of concerns regarding a copycat website going by the name of weareallvoles.com. The activities of this 'rival' website have been based around discrediting weareallbadgers with the desire to be the best weareallsomeanimal website in the world. This crown, of course, currently resides with us. Our regular readers will no doubt be sickened by this underhand behaviour and we hope will fully back weareallbadgers in this skirmish, or minor war, that we have on our hands. We thank you for your loyalty during these troubled times.

We must tread carefully as newer readers might be influenced by their venomous words and forked tongues. Remember - they are not to be trusted!

Weareallvoles have even infiltrated our computer system and deployed vole agents to gather information and, no doubt, attempt to weaken the badger infrastructure. They have even infiltrated the depths of the Dungeon of Randomness and plastered its many rooms with their 'vole awareness campaign' with potentially disastrous consequences.

WAAB would like to take this opportunity to officially declare that we hates all voles.

They have also inserted one of their kind onto one of our business cards - removing the fine badger photo that was originally proudly displayed. We are working on rectifying this as we type... Update: Said Vole has now been removed from these business cards. Caution is still advised.

We have our suspicions that the small flat man who resides under our filing cabinet is, in fact, an agent of the voles. If this is the case then we have been spied upon for many years. In light of this we are now considering the option of no longer feeding him. Though, quite how he transfers this information that he has gathered to his comrades is unknown at present. Perhaps a mole in our team? Unlikely, however, as they would more likely pass on the information to weareallmoles.com. Quite likely though, the small, flat man who resides underneath our filing cabinet is merely a small, flat man who is wedged underneath our filing cabinet. We have never got around to actually asking him why he is there, despite the commotion he often makes. His vocabulary is limited and largely seems to consist of the words 'hell pme'. Clearly a Satanist. And possibly even a masochist. We have no idea what 'pme' means but we guess he is half-Hungarian or something like that. Nevertheless, we shall no doubt enquire as to his situation at a suitable juncture.

Another gripe about voles is that 'vole' is an anagram of love - such a fine, noble word. And it is a fact that they are keen to promote. This compared to badger, which is merely an anagram of garbed which means 'a bed that is located in a garage'. An ill-sounding and largely unknown word. Not ideal.

And to top it off they have even got into our computer system and written the following press release just below:

We feel weareallvoles.com will give readers the opportunity to decide between a variety of online magazine-format magazines in a weareallsomeanimal style. We aim to expand on the weareallsomeanimal market to offer readers more choice but not forgetting quality. Indeed, the phrase weareallvoles will soon be synonymous with quality...

Backstards! They can cack right off.

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