We Are All Badgers has teamed up with the nation's cheese roll retailers to offer every reader a tasty cheese roll completely free of charge. Simply print out this genuine-looking voucher and take it to a cheese roll retailer of your choice and they'll happily present you with your 100% free cheese roll.
Terms and conditions apply. Lots of terms and conditions apply. Lots of unreasonable terms and conditions apply.
Terms and conditions: 1) Offer applies to certain unspecified people only 2) Offer ends half-way through your claim 3) Only 0.9647 cheese rolls per person 4) Voucher can only be exchanged for a cheese roll; cannot be exchanged for a cheese and onion roll, a small horse or a time machine 5) You must appear slightly demented in order to claim your 100% free cheese roll 6) Barking would also help 7) And flap your arms like a chicken 8) Then complete an imaginary assault course whilst still pretending to be a barking chicken 9) If that doesn't work then tell them you'll tickle their pancreas using the power of your mind if you don't get your 100% free cheese roll 10) And if that doesn't work then tickle their pancreas using the power of your mind 11) If they still refuse to give you your 100% free cheese roll then curl up into a ball and sulk in the middle of the shop for the rest of the day, occasionally shouting out new words you've just made up 12) Like spatchmoose, for example, but you can't shout that as you didn't make it up 13) Good luck. You'll need it!
: We Are All Badgers take no responsibility for any violence and subsequent injury or death that results from the attempted use of this voucher. Any correspondence regarding the matter will be immediately destroyed by an ageing hamster.