Meet The Team
How would you like to meet the team behind We Are All Badgers? Just enter our exclusive competition for a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to visit the We Are All Badgers office and meet the team in person. To enter simply tell us who is your least favourite We Are All Badgers member of staff and why you don't like them.
Please note entering our premises is done at your own risk as we cannot guarantee your safety due to at least one member of staff hating you.
In the unlikely event you're not familiar with the We Are All Badgers team, here's a quick who's who:
- Big Cheese Badger is the Big Cheese at We Are All Badgers. Small Cheese Badger nearly got the job but something wasn't quite right. Big Cheese Badger's main responsibilities include putting words in different orders and drawing like a five-year-old. In his spare time he likes to hide inside oranges then jump out when people least expect it.
- Nomkin Jones is our Vice-Big Cheese. He takes over the top job when Big Cheese Badger is ill or phones in sick pretending to be ill. In his spare time Nomkin likes to lurk at bus stops and poo into random people's shopping bags without them noticing.
- The Pork Ninja is our security chief. It's his responsibility to lock the front door at night. His hobbies include licking worms, blowing in cats' arses and spreading jam onto live rats.
- Jobson Jobsworth is the country's most successful professional jobseeker and is the proud holder of the Jobseeker of the Year award, twenty-five years running. Jobson advises the team on all jobseeking-related matters including hiring, firing and re-hiring after mistakenly firing them. When Jobson takes a well-earned break from his intensive jobseeking-related activities you can usually find him jumping over bins wearing leather socks. Just leather socks.
- Chester Chucklenuts has the important job title of "Someone in the office called Chester Chucklenuts". As it's such a common name these days it's become trendy for every office to have someone called Chester Chucklenuts, and we certainly don't want to be laughed at for not having one. His duties include being Chester Chucklenuts, doing things that Chester Chucklenuts would do and not changing his name. To give him credit he performs the role flawlessly. Our previous employee in this position, Chester Chucklenuts, was sacked after he got married and changed his name to Chester Chucklenuts-Chortlebollocks.
- Crinklebottom Bumblecrack is Big Cheese Badger's butler and personal groomer. His duties include asking Big Cheese Badger not to throw food on the floor, begging Big Cheese Badger not to throw food on the floor and picking up food that Big Cheese Badger has thrown on the floor.
- Mungo Bean is our researcher. Originally she was a searcher but she kept doing it. In her spare time she likes growling, stroking kippers and gnawing on bits of rotting wood.
- And finally there's a small, flat man who, for some reason, has inserted himself underneath our filing cabinet. He looks exactly like the furniture removal chap who worked for us about a year ago. Except flatter. Strange coincidence... Anyway, uninvited though he is, Big Cheese Badger's happy to have him as part of the team. Although he does need to cheer up a bit, we're all tired of him going on about depressing stuff like being crushed and not being able to breathe.
Ready to enter? For your chance to visit the We Are All Badgers office and Meet The Team just finish the sentence, in four million and twelve words or under, "I don't like <insert name> because ..." Tweet your answers to Big Cheese Badger using #meettheteam. Answers will be judged on jumpiness, swirliness and springiness. And, as with all official We Are All Badgers competitions, pictorial representations are allowed.
If you're the unlucky winner then make your way to our office by following the road signs, displayed below.
If you can't find the road signs then just look for the other road signs pointing you to the road signs.
When you arrive knock the door and state clearly that you are the competition winner as we usually throw bins at visitors. Crinklebottom will invite you in and fetch you a complementary drink from our water butt. We don't have any spare chairs in the office but feel free to take a seat on top of our filing cabinet; just ignore the squeals from the small flat man. Be aware the team is wary of strangers but as long as you don't make any sudden moves you should be fine.
We look forward to your entry. Good luck!