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Only joking, the shop just isn't ready yet...

In the meantime we recommend you instead just pretend that you are perusing the official We Are All Badgers clothing range online; pretend how amazed you are at the reasonable prices Big Cheese Badger has charged; and pretend you are stroking your chin and "hmmm"ing quietly to yourself.

Then maybe pretend you have then purchased several official We Are All Badgers clothing items; then pretend to be out when the official We Are All Badgers clothing parcel arrives; then pretend to be annoyed as you told the courier to leave it by the garage door but they didn't leave it by the door, no-one listens these days, it's so frustrating! Then pretend to phone the courier service to re-deliver the parcel, it should be easy but you have to deal with a very uppity telephone assistant who demands unattainable proof of your identity.

Then pretend you are unable to provide this proof of who you are and then pretend you have a sudden moment where you doubt your very existence - are you who you think you are or is this all a dream? Maybe you are just a computer code or some AI? Maybe you're actually a robot? Maybe you're just an experiment to discover if robots can ever believe they are human? (Or badger)?

Then pretend that your pretend thoughts are interrupted by a loud CRASH downstairs - police are smashing through your front door, the uppity telephone assistant has reported you; then pretend you hurl a selection of stern but fair words in their direction; then pretend they laugh manically and in a way that makes you think this was not just a coincidence after all, maybe this was all planned, maybe there is a conspiracy against you? And at the heart of it is the question "who are you?"

Then pretend you hurl yourself out of the window, just before fully armed police officers burst into your bedroom, and pretend you narrowly avoid the gunfire which destroys your collection of jam jars full of rotting fruit, which took you three years to build up, but pretend not to worry about that right now as the police are fully legged too and they chase after you. You are a now a fugitive on the run...

You'll have to continue pretending the rest of this nightmare scenario yourself, we've helped you enough, it's time you stood on your own two feet.

Just until the shop is ready, mind, then return your thoughts back to real-life. If you can by then...

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