Who is Big Cheese Badger?

Big Cheese Badger made his name on the Badgerville stand-up comedy scene, which was actually called the crouching scene due to the small tunnels.

It was during this time he started We Are All Badgers, which has grown from humble beginnings as a little place to store Big Cheese Badger's random comedy (because keeping all those random thoughts in his head was hurting his brain), to become today a much larger place to store Big Cheese Badger's random comedy.

Despite his growing celebrity badger status Big Cheese Badger keeps himself grounded through his work with one of the UK's favourite charities, Badger The Government. Founded by Big Cheese Badger himself to campaign for Government action on the issues that really matter to people, like renaming beans on toast to toast under beans and free Bavarian apple strudels for under fives.

If you have any random, silly or ridiculous thoughts that you really need to share then contact Big Cheese Badger immediately. And for anything unimportant contact Small Cheese Badger.

Club Of The Month

The popular new pastime of grey squirrel hunting is currently sweeping the nation! Why, you ask? Well, it's all for a good cause - to save our beloved British red squirrel from extinction. They really need our help against the invasion of their larger, stronger cousins.

Now you can do your bit - join your local Grey Squirrel Hunting Club and start hunting! No squirrel killing experience is necessary as full training will be provided. Choose from a variety of supplied weaponry including pistols, rifles and rocket launchers.

The clubs are also child-friendly with miniature guns especially made for our little-handed friends. Click there for your free Grey Squirrel Kills Log Sheet to keep an accurate record of your squirrel kills.

As an incentive We Are All Badgers is running the official competition to find the first grey squirrel hunter to reach 1,000 kills. We have big prizes as usual: Wolverhampton will be awarded to the winner and five lucky runners-up will each receive a tin of tuna, pre-opened for your convenience; please allow ten working days for delivery. Good luck!

Swap Club

Do you have something and also want something?

If that's a yes then Swap Club is the perfect place for you! Browse our listings and contact fellow readers through the We Are All Badgers' secure portal here.

Big Cheese Badger is in charge of Swap Club, contact him for all Swap Club related matters including if the Swap Club link back there doesn't work.

• Swap Club complies with all current UK Swap Club rules and regulations, including post-Brexit amendments.
• Swap Club is run responsibly and er, thickly. Or rather, ethically.
• Swap Club can be addictive. When the fun stops, stop.

Big Cheese Badger is currently promoting Swap Club with an aggressive marketing campaign and he's created a catchy new Swap Club slogan:

"The first rule of Swap Club is: You do not talk about Swap Club. The second rule of Swap Club is: Ignore the first rule of Swap Club and talk about Swap Club otherwise you won't make any swaps."

Age Restricted Content

Please be aware We Are All Badgers contains material unsuitable for those under the age of zero. If anyone under the age of zero is found perusing this website then we will have no choice but to report them immediately to their parents, or rather, their soon-to-be parents.

Which, as you might imagine, is a terribly embarrassing and frustrating conversation to have with anyone... especially if they haven't met each other yet.

Joke Corner

New from the We Are All Badgers shop: buy the hilariously funny joke corner to confuse your friends and bemuse your enemies. Simply place the joke corner in the centre of any room and wait for your chosen victim to enter...

Then watch their understanding of three-dimensional space disappear before your very eyes. They'll be researching n-dimensional space before you can say "is the temporal dimension unaffected?"

Warning: May create physicists.

Emergency Hotline News

• We are sorry to inform you our 24/7 emergency lino information hotline has been suspended due to a total lack of interest. We apologise for any inconvenience caused.
• Please be assured that our 24/7 emergency spork information hotline is running as normal.

Tip Of The Day

Do you want your snail mail delivered faster and at no extra cost?

Well, just write "To be delivered by Badger Post" on your envelope or parcel and because postmen and postwomen are badger fans they will prioritize your mail.

So second class mail will be upgraded to first class; and first class mail will be upgraded to what's called zeroth class mail, which basically means the postie will sprint to the house!

Classified Section

The classified section is now classified. We apologise for any inconvenience caused.

Corrections

• In this month's newsletter Big Cheese Badger called Small Cheese Badger a perforated schlindering boilsnatch. He meant to say perforated schlundering boilsnatch. We apologise for any offence caused.
• In the corrections section of last month's newsletter the thirty-first correction was mistakenly corrected and needs to be uncorrected.
• All previous corrections have been archived in the We Are All Badgers Corrections Archives. For access to the We Are All Badgers Corrections Archives subscriptions start at an absolute bargain basement price of just 2p per month which gives you unlimited access to over 7.4 billion entries! One of the cheapest and best value forms of entertainment in the world today, as long as you like corrections archives.

Come To Badgerland!

Badgerville is in Badgerland, which hit the headlines recently as the fifth country to join the United Kingdom. The United Kingdom of England, Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland and Badgerland is finally a reality after years of tireless campaigning by Big Cheese Badger and his Badger The Government movement.

Badgerland differs from most countries in that there are no actual physical borders to the land, so all badgers live in Badgerland, wherever they are in the world. It's more a state of mind, or to be more precise, ahem, a country of mind, rather than a physical place. But don't worry, humans can live in Badgerland too as honorary badgers; you just have to live a very badgerly life, do some badgering now and again and generally be very badgersome - then you're in!

Badgers are thoughtful, curious and playful creatures; we have good morals and treat people with respect. OK, we might occasionally dig up a neighbour's lawn or chase a Springwatch presenter through a forest for five miles pretending to be a raving lunatic, but we all have a good laugh about it afterwards.

So come and visit Badgerland and if you like it feel free to stay. After all, house prices are reasonable here, unlike the rest of the UK.

On This Day In . . . 2001

This very day 25 years ago marked the beginning of the devastating Great British Toilet Shortage where we saw the horrific consequences of a rapidly increasing population living in a country with a severe lack of toilet facilities.

Today we take it for granted that everyone has access to a good quality poopary but it was a different world back then when the sudden shortage resulted in honest, hard-working citizens having to poop into anything they could get their hands on like saucepans, hats, shoes, kettles and sometimes even their own cornflakes!

Of course, that was only half the problem as the turd then had to be disposed of afterwards. It's been estimated that at any one time a staggering 85% of the Great British population were carrying around excrement in their pockets hoping they'd find a vacant toilet to dispose of it in. If you've ever found poop in an old charity shop trouser pocket now you know why.

So to prevent this crisis from ever happening again, We Are All Badgers has come up with a simple yet effective solution - but we need your help! We need every concerned citizen to add an "i" to the middle of every "To Let" sign they can find, creating millions of brand-new toilets instantly! And feel free to try out your new toilet as the presence of poop will encourage others to do the same. Act now before it's too late! Or should we say tooilate?

Website Make-Over

We've recently had a website make-over and we're pleased to inform you we now look more like a badger. Well, it's just two black badgery stripes but to us it's like looking in the mirror. (We may well have text in the middle of our faces.)

Visitors on monitors will be able to see this in all its badgery glory, while those on mobiles will still see the black badgery stripes but they'll have to scroll down to the bottom and they'll be slightly less badgery as they'll be at a 90-degree angle to the page. It'll look more like a badger collapsed onto the floor, with a differently-proportioned face, but still a badger though.