Blue Quits

The popular colour, Blue, has quit! He announced his shock decision at a hastily arranged press conference at the We Are All Badgers office, at which point it looked like the sky dropped out of the, er, sky. The previously blue space below is stark proof that Blue has really gone.

Followers of Blue's campaign for improved working conditions for colours will know his efforts have been met with a wall of silence from governments who have refused to negotiate. The poor working conditions and long hours, literally 24 hours a day, every single day, has led to many colours suffering from chronic health problems and mental breakdowns. Perhaps the most famous case was when the colour Splarg died from fatigue, which is why nothing is coloured Splarg anymore.

Chester Chucklenuts, lead campaigner for the Colour Rights And Protection (CRAP) group, supported Blue's bold decision. "Colours are underappreciated and taken for granted. They work without breaks and in the most hostile of environments like war zones, other planets and even inside arseholes. When was the last time you bent over and looked at your arsehole in the mirror and said 'thank you very much for all your efforts'? I can assure you that CRAP employees do it every single day."

There has been mixed reaction to the news from the general public. Mavis Twing, from Southend, founder of the Blue Fan Club and his most avid supporter, took the news pretty badly and she took her own life. While Mr Twang, from Northend, said Blue's decision saved his life. He tearfully recollected:

"I've always prided myself for having whiter-than-white whites but as I took my latest wash out of the machine I saw to my horror they were covered in blue splotches because of a rogue sock. I was heartbroken, it really was the end of my world, so I reached into my pocket for my handy revolver, which I keep for such emergencies, but before I could pull the trigger, before my very eyes, the blue disappeared from my clothes leaving them whiter-than-white once more. In my rashness I nearly killed myself that day, but Blue's actions saved my life. I promised myself I'd be less impulsive in future and to think before I act. And so that I'd never, ever forget my promise to myself, I shot off my kneecap."

Work is already underway to recolour and replace what was once blue. Less popular colours have volunteered to do most of the work as they have more time on their hands. The mighty blue whale, the largest mammal in the world, has been recoloured mauve and renamed the mauve whale. Despite a great colouring job from mauve, the mauve whales are said to be disappointed as they feel they now sound far less mighty.

Blu-Tack has been recoloured puce and is now called Puce-Tack. And popular boy-band Blue has been renamed to Dark Shitty Brown. Lee Ryan, from Dark Shitty Brown, is unhappy with the new shit-related name but fans are already embracing the change by throwing their soiled underwear at the band.

Will Blue return? We really don't know but if you happen to see some Blue anywhere then it's your civic duty to report this to Big Cheese Badger immediately, complete with photographic evidence and an overly excitable message. Any tweet without photographic evidence or an overly excitable message risks not been taken seriously. And don't forget to add #blueisback which makes it easier for Big Cheese Badger and his team to view the possible millions of messages they might receive about this. Keep your eyes peeled everyone!

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