We Are All Moles

We have recently been made aware of a copycat website going by the name of We Are All Moles. This "rival" website has been aggressively campaigning to take We Are All Badgers' title as the best We Are All Someanimal website for themselves. But we won't give it up without a fight.

This mole-related "comedy" site has not only copied our successful We Are All Someanimal format but they are also using their mole agents to take down We Are All Badgers from within. Several moles have already infiltrated our computer system and penetrated the depths of the Dungeon of Randomness, where the adventure game Badger Quest takes place, and they have left several moles in the dungeons to promote their website. But thankfully there's a lot of randomness in the Dungeon of Randomness so no one notices.

And annoyingly We Are All Moles has a natural advantage over us because "mole" is an anagram of Lome - which is the capital city of Togo - very impressive. Whereas badger is merely an anagram of garbed which means "a bed that's in a garage." An ill-sounding and largely unknown word mostly used by kidnappers. The associations are not ideal. Although we don't want to offend any kidnappers among our regular readers so we apologise for the previous remark.

The increasing popularity of We Are All Moles is leading to more animals jumping on the bandwagon and we fear there'll be an explosion of We Are All Someanimal websites. Our sources tell us the giraffes are already learning HTML and the lesser spotted African barn owls have just registered wearealllesserspottedafricanbarnowls.com.

We've just received some distressing news - the mole agents inside our computer system have reached the text editor and have sneakily written the following statement:

We believe We Are All Moles is far superior to We Are All Badgers and will give readers the opportunity to experience a higher quality We Are All Someanimal style website based on a much better animal. And, for a limited time only, every new visitor will receive a free badger on a stick!

These moles are clearly a force to be reckoned with and we're not too keen on their badger on a stick plan either. Desperate times call for desperate measures. And who better to have on your side in a desperate situation than the always desperate Big Cheese Badger? And he's come up with a foolproof plan to destroy the moles by first destroying their homes - yes, that's right, Big Cheese Badger will remove all of the underground. No stone will be left unturned.

Big Cheese Badger's ambitious plan involves removing the underground by excavating a five mile gap underneath the surface of the world and installing five-mile tall support beams to prevent the surface from collapsing. This is good news for local entrepreneur Chester Chucklenuts, whose business specialises in manufacturing five-mile long support beams. Just last year Chester's company nearly went bust due to a complete lack of interest in his product but luckily he had the foresight to keep the business going by getting progressively deeper into debt. And now his belief in his product has paid off as his five-mile long factory now employs extra staff to manufacture Big Cheese Badger's order of ten billion five-mile long support beams.

Big Cheese Badger's wasted no time and has already started digging, ignoring concerns from fellow badgers who are worried their own homes will be destroyed and they'll have to sleep on park benches. So far Big Cheese Badger has excavated his neighbour's lawn, but unfortunately the support beams weren't ready and the surface has collapsed in on itself, so Mr Smith now has a dangerously deep hole in his garden. It must have been Mr Smith's unlucky day as his wife mysteriously went missing the very same afternoon.